Take pity upon this poor noob!

Okay so I've had a Deviant Art account for years now but only NOW am I getting up the confidence to submit my writing. And the main reason behind that is as someone trying to get into writing lyrics for a band I kinda need to see what works with people. So what I really need is some constructive criticism so PLEEAAASSSEEE COMMENT. I know you guys can't tell but I'm begging on my knees so you know I'm just a little desperate.